finally on track.

The first few months of this year have been pretty great, well besides a few things.

I have my head straight especially when it comes to my classes.The first test i had in math i got a 128. Technically, I'm supposed to have a 118, but the prof. added up the points wrong. Talk about irony.haha.My other classes are pretty good. The education class I have is pretty boring, but we have to observe in an elementary school. I observe in my old elementary school, it's pretty weird being there because I haven't been in the building since I graduated in 2003. The 1st grade class that I observe are adorable. I'm 120% sure that being a teacher is what I want to do with a part of my life. It's crazy how I was in that classroom not that long ago being the one taught, and soon enough I will be the one teaching.

I started jogging in the morning a few days ago. I've been wanting to do it for a while, but I can't stand the cold weather so you wouldn't catch me jogging in it. I also cut down on coffee. I'm pretty sure I'm going with withdrawal right now. I ALWAYS had at least one cup a day. I have it once in a while. No more junk food for me either. It's not like I'm trying to lose weight. I just want to be healthier. The only problem is I have my grandfather constantly telling me to eat wayy more and that I've lost weight. On the other hand I have my grandmother saying I haven't lost weight. Just leave me alone already, I know they care but there is definitely a limit and it was crossed a whilee ago.

It's funny how my grandfather is worried about my eating habits, but when it comes to his own he couldn't care less. AS much as I but him to cut down on the sugary drinks and stuff he just brushes me off. Considering he's having trouble with his kidney lately, he isn't in the position to ignore me. Everyone in the fam is trying to help him, but it's like he's given up the fight. I can't afford to lose another person close to me. It would definitely suck. =/ It's just sooo frustrating.

Rambling

I've been pretty busy lately, with what I have no idea.

So I went to the gym with my aunt and her friend today. It was really great! First we did this workout class with weights and stuff. It felt really good to work out like that. After the workout class there was this Zamba class (pretty sure I spelled it wrong). It was a dance work out class. Not much of a dancer but I enjoyed it a lot. The last time I sweat as much as I did was when I played soccer in H.S. I really wish I could join a gym near my house, but considering I don't have a job at the moment makes it pretty impossible.Until then jogging in the morning and crunches,leg lifts, and push ups in the evening.=)

The love life is pretty great lately. Thanks to someone, but still officially single.

torn..

I finally got what I wanted, but yet I'm not totally satisfied. He finally admitted he loves me..That moment is on the top 10 of best moments so far in my life. Things seem to be more complicated now..lucky me. When we are together it's the greatest, I've never been so sure about something in a while. Whatever happened to just living in the moment? I'm only 18, I'm not thinking about how long it is going to last with someone..forever is a word that doesn't mean much to me right now. Yeah, maybee in a few years from now. So I'm basically torn because when we aren't together i miss him like crazy, but yet we always seem to get into small arguments when we aren't together. The funny thing about this is we aren't a couple, like official and haven't been for almost 2 years. We have this unspoken agreement to eachother.The thing is I can't see my life without him right now...

Okay so I just needed to get that off my chest..I need a distraction from all of this.

holiday spirit...

You know how most talk about the 'holiday spirit', that it is supposed to bring families together and what not...definitely not the case for my family. I figured since today is Christmas Eve that things would be decent for atleast today. Wishful thinking on my part. Two of my aunts haven't talked to eachother in over a year. Te sad apart about this is my cousins are in the middle of it. it's really sad to see my cousins suffer because of my aunt's falling out. My cousins barely see eachother because of this. It honestly breaks my heart.. =/

So I survived my first semester in college. I already have my grades too. Some if the classes I should have did better in, especially history.

English- A-
Sociology- C
Music for Teachers- A
History- C

Well Merry Christmas Eve =)

stupid stupid stupid!!!

...that's exactly how i feel right now..After being faced this problem for the 3rd time now, I shoulda learned from the first time. I'm not going to say what the problem is because it's rather personal...

I really need to start learning from my mistakes..OF course this mistake involves a guy...how typical right? Most would say just cut the guy outta your life...I feel like it's impossible for me...he needs me & i need him.-___- Being on and off with the guy for almost 3 years now, I don't know anything else..But the situation i am currently facing it seems like the smartest thing to do.It's defintitely going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life..Things need to change and I'm the only one that has the power to do it.I don't even know how to end things with him cause I've never had feelings so strong for another guy..

On a lighter note..
I took my first final in English and got a B+ on it..and my final grade for the class is an A-. =) One thing to be happy about. Never really liked writing and expressing myself, but lately it seems like the easiest thing to do.

That seems like the only good thing I have going on right now...it's a shame because I'm 18...it's 'supposed' to be one of the best ages..I'm halfway through being 18.nothing awesome has come out of it yet...still waiting for that miracle..

finally.

Things are FINALLY looking so much better than before.

All it takes is a little patience. Never really thought it was true, but it definitely is. I'm FINALLY used to the college work, but watch it get worse. Another B+ on my English paper. Never really appreciated the images words can paint. Writing all of these papers helped me gain this appreciation. No, I'm not going to write a great novel or poem book, but I can finally write my thoughts on paper without complaining about the fact I have to write it.=) that's a real accomplishment for me.

I FINALLY bought a laptop ! haha..it is definitely needed, for the simple fact that doing homework is impossible on a desktop with the grandfather blasting the teevee. My life is finally made simpler.

There's more but I'll have to finish it another time.Too much going on right now.

xoxo

updates.

So I haven't written in a while, been kind of busy.Here are some updates.

I think I'm in love but, you'll never hear me admit it because it's easier like that. I won't admit it to that person, but I think he already knows. It's the kind of love that just can't be. Time and time again he tells me we can't be anything more than what we are now. I don't know what to think anymore, he's right for the most part. It's pretty unhealthy though because I'm holding on to something that will never be more than what it is. Honestly, I wouldn't even know what to call it.For the longest time now, whenever things wouldn't work in a relationship for me as well as him we always came back to this.He's told me to let him go, but I don't have it in me to do that. Whatever I end up doing is going to hurt me in the end. If I let him go I'm only going to end up worse and heartbroken, which is never a good thing.I'm happy right now, but there's soo much I can take. -___-

School has been pretty hectic lately. My first semester is coming to a fast end. I've had quite a few papers due within a week, but I force myself to get them done. To focus on school seems to be the easiest thing to do.I figure if I get all my work done the semester will end faster, which it seems to be doing. Thank God.

Things with the fam are pretty decent lately, for the simple fact I don't see them that much. Of course when I have a paper due, my grandfather has to watch the football game on a Sunday, which totally blows. I really need to get the netbook I've been wanting for a while. It's going to make my life soo much easier.

That's pretty much it for now.
xoxo