finally.

Things are FINALLY looking so much better than before.

All it takes is a little patience. Never really thought it was true, but it definitely is. I'm FINALLY used to the college work, but watch it get worse. Another B+ on my English paper. Never really appreciated the images words can paint. Writing all of these papers helped me gain this appreciation. No, I'm not going to write a great novel or poem book, but I can finally write my thoughts on paper without complaining about the fact I have to write it.=) that's a real accomplishment for me.

I FINALLY bought a laptop ! haha..it is definitely needed, for the simple fact that doing homework is impossible on a desktop with the grandfather blasting the teevee. My life is finally made simpler.

There's more but I'll have to finish it another time.Too much going on right now.

xoxo

updates.

So I haven't written in a while, been kind of busy.Here are some updates.

I think I'm in love but, you'll never hear me admit it because it's easier like that. I won't admit it to that person, but I think he already knows. It's the kind of love that just can't be. Time and time again he tells me we can't be anything more than what we are now. I don't know what to think anymore, he's right for the most part. It's pretty unhealthy though because I'm holding on to something that will never be more than what it is. Honestly, I wouldn't even know what to call it.For the longest time now, whenever things wouldn't work in a relationship for me as well as him we always came back to this.He's told me to let him go, but I don't have it in me to do that. Whatever I end up doing is going to hurt me in the end. If I let him go I'm only going to end up worse and heartbroken, which is never a good thing.I'm happy right now, but there's soo much I can take. -___-

School has been pretty hectic lately. My first semester is coming to a fast end. I've had quite a few papers due within a week, but I force myself to get them done. To focus on school seems to be the easiest thing to do.I figure if I get all my work done the semester will end faster, which it seems to be doing. Thank God.

Things with the fam are pretty decent lately, for the simple fact I don't see them that much. Of course when I have a paper due, my grandfather has to watch the football game on a Sunday, which totally blows. I really need to get the netbook I've been wanting for a while. It's going to make my life soo much easier.

That's pretty much it for now.
xoxo

2nd chances?

When do you know if a person really deserves a 2nd chance, after they messed up soo badly.?

After 13 years my "father" decides he misses my brother and I. I put the quotations around the word father because he wasn't really one. He left my family when we needed him most.I'm torn between trying to have a decent relationship with him and just ignoring his attempts. There's one thing in particular that is holding me back. He left once already, he could leave again. He has another family, so why reach out after soo many years?There are a lot of unanswered questions that keep going through my head.

The fact that he left messed up any realtionships with males. I have really bad trust issues.When I get close to a guy the one thought that is constantly in my mind is "he's going to leave". Once I get to that point i usually break it off with the guy.it's bad, but something i have to deal with.

I'm going to just put myself out there & see what happens. At this point it's the only thing i can do.

the truth

Friday a friend that used to be pretty close told me basically my life isn't going to amount to anything. To be honest, I don't really care she said it. There are somethings I've done in the past few months I wouldn't normally do. They things she brought up weren't even that serious in my opinion. I got a tattoo about 2 months ago on my wrist. It's pretty small it says C'est la vie, of course haha. That saying basically sums up my life. Another thing she brought up was the fact I got my tongue pierced a month ago. No one can see it unless I physically stick my tongue out. The last thing she brought up was, well umm..weed.

I'm not spiralling out of controll..I could never let that happen, yet that's what she thinks will be the outcome.Yeah, she's my friend and what not, but to say my life isn't going to amount to anything is a little extreme. For the longest time I lived my life searching for the approval of my grandparents. That was such a waste of time.They say they are proud, but they have a funny way of showing it. If someome was proud do you think they would say "I didn't have a choice to take you guys in,I did it for your mother". She basically meant, I don't want you, but I had to take you in. Pretty fricken great to say huh? Ugh! just thinking about that gets me mad.But whatever!